Alma 25:16

I have had a few surprising and reoccurring thoughts come into my head lately.  They are thoughts that have been contemplating the difference between "The Church" and "The Gospel."  Normally, I wouldn't separate those two things out.  If you are living the church standards, you are living the gospel, right?

I don't think they are meant to be separated out and so it has been bothering me that my brain has continued to categorize things I do as either "I'm doing this because someone in the Church leadership told me to" or "I'm doing this because it is real gospel doctrine."  I really don't feel like that is right.  I had never done it before.  And so I began to feel like I was missing something, or rather, that I had lost something that I once had.  Was it faith?  I would mentally check up on my testimony...No, faith wasn't my issue.  So what was it that was making me feel this way?

The answer is:  I don't know.  But I know that as I was reading the Book of Mormon the other day, I read something that has helped quiet those thoughts.  It was Alma 25:16.

There is some lead up that needs to be done before delving into this scripture...The Lamanites have continued to convert with more of them burying their weapons and joining the people of Ammon.  Alma 25:15 talks about how they kept the Law of Moses even though they knew that Christ would be coming and that law would eventually pass away.  They kept it because the law hadn't passed away yet, but they didn't just keep it with mindless obedience.  They kept it "considering that the law of Moses was a type of [Christ's] coming, and believing that they must keep those outward performances until the time that he should be revealed unto them."

Alma 25:16 goes on to say:

"Now they did not suppose that salvation came by the law of Moses; but the law of Moses did serve to strengthen their faith in Christ; and thus they did retain a hope through faith, unto eternal salvation, relying upon the spirit of prophecy, which spake of those things to come."

So my version would go something like this:  Now she did not suppose that salvation came by the weekly meetings she attended, her official visiting teaching percentage, how ready her home was to receive visitors, or by how well her children behaved but that doing these things, or at least striving to do these things, did serve to strengthen her faith in Christ;  and thus she did retain a hope through faith, unto eternal salvation, relying upon the spirit.

A Clean Slate?

I am thinking once again about the people of Ammon and their commitment to Jesus Christ. Alma 24:15 says:

"...we have not stained our swords in the blood of our brethren since he imparted his word unto us and made us clean thereby."

That sentiment has a great appeal to me. The sentiment that says--there is a day of commitment that I can point to, and I haven't messed up since then. It is a sentiment I cannot echo and one that maybe I think about too much.

It can be depressing to try to keep a clean track record in everything. I suppose if I'm really going to compare myself, I should stick to the facts. They are talking about not killing people...so I've never done that. Nice job, Ambra. But really all I can see are the many things I resolve not to do again, but do them anyway like yelling, or gossiping, or procrastinating forming a Family Mission Plan like our stake president has asked us to.

I repent. I reset the start time. I count the minutes, hours, days that I make it without messing up. I put check marks next to the things on my list that mean I am a good obedient person. Why don't these things make me happy? Because I know they are fleeting and I will eventually mess up and I will NEVER be done with my list.

And so it goes. I keep trying. I keep feeling defeated as I fall short. How can I express thanks in my prayers for Jesus Christ's Atonement while completely ignoring what it means for me? Why do I let Satan's darts of discouragement lay me so flat that I don't feel like trying again?

Why do I think that I have to "turn in" a nearly clean slate each day and only cause the Savior a minimum of trouble because I really could do pretty much everything by myself?  I heard a talk recently that said: "Jesus doesn't make up the difference. Jesus makes all the difference." I think I need to rely a little more heavily on the Savior than have been lately. In fact, I'm sure of it.

Awestruck

Reading Alma 24 always leaves me in awe.

By this time in the Book of Mormon, the people of Ammon have distinguished themselves from the other Lamanites by changing their name to Anti-Nephi-Lehi and corresponding with the Nephites.  The other Lamanites, along with the Amalekites and Amulonites, decide they don't like how things are going.  They want a new king, and so they make preparations for war to go against the Anti-Nephi-Lehis.  The people of Ammon see this preparation and meet to decide what exactly they should do about it.  They conclude that they must bury their weapons.

It is a fact that escaped me as a child studying this Book of Mormon story--they buried their weapons when they knew a war was surely coming.  I had always thought that they buried their weapons when they were deciding to be baptized.  I thought it was part of the repentance process for them that was subsequently tested by their brethren's attack.  It is a marvel to me that they made the commitment even as their brethren made swords.

As I said, I am in awe.  And then--I can't seem to help myself--I wonder if it was worth it.  Was it necessary for them to lay before the coming army and be slaughtered?  Could they have defended themselves and still been faithful followers of Christ?  After all, the Nephites defend themselves through bloodshed all the time.  I don't know the answers to those questions, but I do know that they felt they could not sully the swords that Christ had so recently wiped clean from the many murders they had committed.  I also know that in Alma 23:6 it refers to these faithful people saying:

"...yea, I say unto you, as the Lord liveth, as many of the Lamanites as...were converted unto the Lord, never did fall away."
 

And, of course, we know that these same people were the parents of the 2,000 stripling warriors that fought with Helaman.

Perhaps there is something to be said about going above and beyond in our commitment to the gospel of Jesus Christ.

 

Pondering

In Alma 22, Aaron teaches King Lamoni's father, who is the king over all the Lamanites.  After Aaron has taught him many things, the king bows "down before the Lord upon his knees" and prays.  One of the things he says is this:

"I will give away all my sins to know thee"  (Alma 22:18)

I have been thinking about those words lately.  They humble and inspire me.  They are worth pondering I think.

Kindness is a Virtue

Alma 17:35 says:

"...therefore they delighted in the destruction of their brethren..."
 

It is referring to the Lamanites that scattered the flocks of King Lamoni.  The scripture tells us that the reason they "delighted" in doing this was because they knew nothing of the Lord.

Reading these words made me think of life in our current world.  Many do delight in the destruction of their brethren, even those who know of the Lord.  Most of us aren't attempting to actually destroy anyone, but sometimes I think it is our tendency to try to build ourselves up by ripping others down.  Sometimes we may even "delight" when someone who has wronged us meets with unpleasant circumstances.

The words of Alma 17:35 made me think of a time a few years ago when a neighbor told me of a divorce that was occurring among our acquaintances.  The husband had left his wife with four elementary aged children.  The eldest boy was the same age as the neighbor's son and one of my own children.  The boy had been cruel to her son and so she told the story of the family's troubles with relish, as if the boy deserved the tumult happening around him because of the misdeeds he had committed.  I remember at the time feeling rather sick inside and expressing my sympathy toward the family.  I could not share in her "delight."  My response did leave my neighbor feeling a bit chagrined, I think, but she wasn't yet ready to lay down her anger and replace it with forgiveness.

In 1937 President George Albert Smith said:

"I feel sad sometimes when I hear the unkind things that are spoken, not only of people in our Church, but of people in the world. Unkind things are not usually said under the inspiration of the Lord. The Spirit of the Lord is a spirit of kindness; it is a spirit of patience; it is a spirit of charity and love and forbearance and long suffering; and there are none of us who do not need all these virtues that are the result of the possession of the Spirit of our Heavenly Father."
 

I am not on my soap box preaching to those who are lowly around me.  I am reminding myself that we are all children of our Heavenly Father.  We ALL are.  We were placed on this lovely world together.  We can learn and grow together.  We can strive to understand instead of condemn.  We can love each other.

I know that, with the help of our Heavenly Father, we can love even those who seem unlovable.  I know that through Christ's Atonement we can receive divine help to forgive.  I know that ripping others down does not boost us up.  If we wish to feel good about ourselves, we need only to pray, for Heavenly Father loves us and our Savior feels we are worth the great price that He paid.

Strength According to Our Faith

Since starting this blog, I have noticed how much personal guidance I receive during my scripture reading.  Not personal, as in secret, but personal as in many of my thoughts wouldn't apply to others.  It is often answers to questions I have posed regarding my life.  I have also noticed that it is much more time consuming to write a post that is (hopefully) understood by others than it is to jot a few notes in my scripture journal.  For both reasons I haven't posted anything for a while.  But, although driving kids to seminary has been inserted into my morning routine, I would like to get back on track with this blog.  I'm thinking maybe a couple of posts a week.  It is kind of nice for me to be forced to express my thoughts so that others can understand them. 

Enough about that...

In Alma 14, Alma and Amulek are in prison.  They have been roughly treated and made to watch those who believe in Christ killed.  The believers are burned along with their "sacred records."

After enduring much, Alma 14:26-28 tells us this:

"And Alma cried, saying:  How long shall we suffer these great afflictions, O Lord?  O Lord, give us strength according to our faith which is in Christ, even unto deliverance.  And they broke the cords with which they were bound...and the earth shook mightily, and the walls of the prison were rent in twain, so that they fell to the earth...and Alma and Amulek came forth out of the prison, and they were not hurt; for the Lord had granted them power, according to their faith which was in Christ..."
 

As I read this account recently, it struck me that the language is similar to that of 1 Nephi 7:17 which says:

"...O Lord, according to my faith which is in thee, wilt thou deliver me from the hands of my brethren; yea, even give me strength that I may burst these bands with which I am bound."
 

I had never noticed before how, in each of these instances, power/strength was granted according to the faith of the one asking.  And not just according to their faith, but more specifically, it was according to their faith in Christ.  This might seem a very small thing, but to me it isn't.

I have always been told to pray in faith.  That faith and doubt cannot both exist at the same time.  It made me wonder how I could get such faith in things I was unsure of.  For example, how do I pray in faith that I would get into the college I wanted?  How can I eradicate all doubt about something like that?  To me--praying in faith sounded like it required a super-sized ego, or at the very least a small departure from reality.  But the thing we are praying about is not what we are asked not to doubt. We are asked to pray with faith in Christ and our Father in Heaven.  I can do that.  I can know that they hear me, that they listen and care.  Whether I receive what I am asking for is not what is most important (although it really did seem that way when I was praying about college.)  What is most important is my relationship with my Heavenly Father and my Savior.

Finally, finally, years later another gospel question of mine has been answered.  I finally get it.  I must admit that at times I feel rather slow, but I guess what really matters is that I didn't let my failure to understand stop me from doing the best I could with the knowledge I had.

When There Are Wolves, Stay Close to the Shepard

Alma 5 is a chapter full of Alma' words to the people of Zarahemla.  He has given the job of Chief Judge to another so that he, as High Priest in the church, can have time to travel and preach the word of God.  He is trying to offset the damage done by a man named Nehor, who preached false doctrine and caused many to fall away from the church.

In Alma 5:60, Alma says:

"...if you will hearken unto his voice he will bring you into his fold, and ye are his sheep; and he commandeth you that ye suffer no ravenous wolf to enter among you, that ye may not be destroyed."

He, of course, is talking about becoming part of the fold of Jesus Christ and how that protects us from people like Nehor.  If you are listening to Christ's voice, you will not be taken in by other voices that will destroy you spiritually.

It made me think of other things that can be "ravenous wolves" in our lives.  Being a stay-at-home mom I have noticed that I have less outside influences on me than at other times in my life, such as when I was in school or going to work daily.  This particular time in life is kind of nice that way.  And yet, lately I have been feeling the pull of so many different things on my time that I feel as though I may come apart.  I have felt that I don't have time for the little things I love like a big chunk of time to study scriptures, a bedtime book shared with the kids, or a long talk with my husband about an interesting book.  These things may get done some days, but they have felt rushed and so the joy in them is diminished.  I don't want to feel pulled apart.  I am not fighting really bad influences like priestcrafts, but just the pace of my modern life as a mother, wife, daughter, friend, visiting teacher, PTO Treasurer, writer, aunt, sister, Relief Society counselor, and on and on.

It was said to me this week that we can always do more.  That is so true.  People will ask it, I will demand it of myself, and I will never be able to do it all.  There will always be more.  So, I think a re-evaluation is in order.  I think I need to sit quietly and seek to listen to the voice of my Savior who loves me.  I need to seek for guidance on balancing all these good things in life so that they do not become the ravenous wolves that I allow to tear me away from that which truly matters.

I am very grateful for Alma's words this morning.