Alma 25:16

I have had a few surprising and reoccurring thoughts come into my head lately.  They are thoughts that have been contemplating the difference between "The Church" and "The Gospel."  Normally, I wouldn't separate those two things out.  If you are living the church standards, you are living the gospel, right?

I don't think they are meant to be separated out and so it has been bothering me that my brain has continued to categorize things I do as either "I'm doing this because someone in the Church leadership told me to" or "I'm doing this because it is real gospel doctrine."  I really don't feel like that is right.  I had never done it before.  And so I began to feel like I was missing something, or rather, that I had lost something that I once had.  Was it faith?  I would mentally check up on my testimony...No, faith wasn't my issue.  So what was it that was making me feel this way?

The answer is:  I don't know.  But I know that as I was reading the Book of Mormon the other day, I read something that has helped quiet those thoughts.  It was Alma 25:16.

There is some lead up that needs to be done before delving into this scripture...The Lamanites have continued to convert with more of them burying their weapons and joining the people of Ammon.  Alma 25:15 talks about how they kept the Law of Moses even though they knew that Christ would be coming and that law would eventually pass away.  They kept it because the law hadn't passed away yet, but they didn't just keep it with mindless obedience.  They kept it "considering that the law of Moses was a type of [Christ's] coming, and believing that they must keep those outward performances until the time that he should be revealed unto them."

Alma 25:16 goes on to say:

"Now they did not suppose that salvation came by the law of Moses; but the law of Moses did serve to strengthen their faith in Christ; and thus they did retain a hope through faith, unto eternal salvation, relying upon the spirit of prophecy, which spake of those things to come."

So my version would go something like this:  Now she did not suppose that salvation came by the weekly meetings she attended, her official visiting teaching percentage, how ready her home was to receive visitors, or by how well her children behaved but that doing these things, or at least striving to do these things, did serve to strengthen her faith in Christ;  and thus she did retain a hope through faith, unto eternal salvation, relying upon the spirit.

A Clean Slate?

I am thinking once again about the people of Ammon and their commitment to Jesus Christ. Alma 24:15 says:

"...we have not stained our swords in the blood of our brethren since he imparted his word unto us and made us clean thereby."

That sentiment has a great appeal to me. The sentiment that says--there is a day of commitment that I can point to, and I haven't messed up since then. It is a sentiment I cannot echo and one that maybe I think about too much.

It can be depressing to try to keep a clean track record in everything. I suppose if I'm really going to compare myself, I should stick to the facts. They are talking about not killing people...so I've never done that. Nice job, Ambra. But really all I can see are the many things I resolve not to do again, but do them anyway like yelling, or gossiping, or procrastinating forming a Family Mission Plan like our stake president has asked us to.

I repent. I reset the start time. I count the minutes, hours, days that I make it without messing up. I put check marks next to the things on my list that mean I am a good obedient person. Why don't these things make me happy? Because I know they are fleeting and I will eventually mess up and I will NEVER be done with my list.

And so it goes. I keep trying. I keep feeling defeated as I fall short. How can I express thanks in my prayers for Jesus Christ's Atonement while completely ignoring what it means for me? Why do I let Satan's darts of discouragement lay me so flat that I don't feel like trying again?

Why do I think that I have to "turn in" a nearly clean slate each day and only cause the Savior a minimum of trouble because I really could do pretty much everything by myself?  I heard a talk recently that said: "Jesus doesn't make up the difference. Jesus makes all the difference." I think I need to rely a little more heavily on the Savior than have been lately. In fact, I'm sure of it.

Awestruck

Reading Alma 24 always leaves me in awe.

By this time in the Book of Mormon, the people of Ammon have distinguished themselves from the other Lamanites by changing their name to Anti-Nephi-Lehi and corresponding with the Nephites.  The other Lamanites, along with the Amalekites and Amulonites, decide they don't like how things are going.  They want a new king, and so they make preparations for war to go against the Anti-Nephi-Lehis.  The people of Ammon see this preparation and meet to decide what exactly they should do about it.  They conclude that they must bury their weapons.

It is a fact that escaped me as a child studying this Book of Mormon story--they buried their weapons when they knew a war was surely coming.  I had always thought that they buried their weapons when they were deciding to be baptized.  I thought it was part of the repentance process for them that was subsequently tested by their brethren's attack.  It is a marvel to me that they made the commitment even as their brethren made swords.

As I said, I am in awe.  And then--I can't seem to help myself--I wonder if it was worth it.  Was it necessary for them to lay before the coming army and be slaughtered?  Could they have defended themselves and still been faithful followers of Christ?  After all, the Nephites defend themselves through bloodshed all the time.  I don't know the answers to those questions, but I do know that they felt they could not sully the swords that Christ had so recently wiped clean from the many murders they had committed.  I also know that in Alma 23:6 it refers to these faithful people saying:

"...yea, I say unto you, as the Lord liveth, as many of the Lamanites as...were converted unto the Lord, never did fall away."
 

And, of course, we know that these same people were the parents of the 2,000 stripling warriors that fought with Helaman.

Perhaps there is something to be said about going above and beyond in our commitment to the gospel of Jesus Christ.